Tired Of Being Broke...Literally!

What The Heck, I really hate not having any money, but more importantly I hate just being broken way down. It's been a year now and I suppose I deserve to suffer (if I should call it that) in the manner that I have, I keep myself going, by saying I'm suppose to learn a lesson from all of this. I thought I knew most of the lessons. For the most part I'm a good person, but then I have to reevaluate and say that I'm a fun person who wants to be a good person, but I'm just so far on the otherside that being a good person seems like such a stretch. I don't kill people, I have never hurt or harm another soul besides my own, I don't do drugs, I don't drink, I don't commit most crimes, I have stolen before of Course I've lied and I've cheated, so I guess those last 3 things are the things that's killing softly? What I really don't understand is how to get out of this mess. I envision the person I want to be and the person I should be, but I can't imagine being that person and at least years back I always felt like I could turn it around, but now I just feel like I'm defeated and the more I try to turn it around, the more I get knocked the opposite direction...I'm tired of being broke. Please God What's the Lesson!

Broken Hearted